I say this in the midst of a brain stimulating conversation with a friend who lovingly suggested that maybe I'm a little overcritical. I say this in the midst of reading the Book of Hebrews and having a hard time with some of the theology that challenges my ideas about the relationship between the old covenant and Israel, and the new covenant and the church. I say this in the midst of worrying about the trajectory of the church's theology as a whole. Who in their mid-twenties worries about the trajectory of the theology of the Body of Christ?!? So, there's this biblical mandate to spend time in the word and commune with God. When I listen to this mandate, I do find life and am reminded of who I am in Christ. But, I also am confused, made to feel uncomfortable, and unsettled. Ignorance is bliss, right? I know that it's not a bliss that is lasting -- it's a bliss that leads me away from the path of abundant life. I guess what I'm experiencing is twofold: 1) I'm experiencing that the words of Hebrews is true: "Indeed, the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing until it divides soul from spirit, joints from marrow; it is able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart." Hebrews 4:12, 2) I'm experiencing that the following words of Christ are a unique promise: "Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30. While his yoke is easy and his burden is light, there is a yoke and there is a burden. Jesus doesn't promise here that he's getting rid of the yoke or removing our burdens. The burdens we carry are better, but they still exist.
I know that the emotional and spiritual dissonance I experience from thinking too much is a better burden, but sometimes I'd rather change it in for bliss.